How To's
Cunnilingus and fellatio - two words that certainly are a bit of a mouthful!
OK, OK, forgive the pun. It's probably only a jest if you're getting customary oral sex. And how many people do? maybe fewer than you think. One of my oldest friends once confided to me that he couldn't encourage his lover to go down on him - to give him fellatio. And was he ever getting the chance to go down on her? No way - she made that explicit from the start of their relationship.
He was desperately dejected about it, mostly because he knew how good it feels, but also because he knew how much wonderful pleasure she would get if she let him try it on her. But she seemed to be fixed in the idea that the genitals were "dirty", and nothing would induce her to let a mouth anywhere near them. Ironically, did she but know it, the healthy feminine vagina is an extremely pleasant place - far cleaner than the mouth as far as bacteria are concerned.
Most men know very well just how pleasurable it is to obtain oral sex, although many have told me they enjoy offering it to a woman almost as much. But women seem to be more reluctant to give oral sex than to obtain it. If you're a man in this position, what's to be done? Many of the web sites on this subject are not written in a female-friendly way, and could simply be off-putting rather than encouraging if you were to present a disgusted partner to them. But if a woman is unwilling to perform fellatio when you want her to, anything more than gentle persuasion could grow into a big relationship problem.
In the end, you might have to think what is more important to you. And guys, let's have a bit of sensitivity over this: it is every partner's right to say "No" to sexual activites which they find unappealing.
But it's also important to get to the basis of a woman's fear about oral sex: is it that she might choke? Or that you might ejaculate in her mouth? These fears are understandable: semen might not taste as good as you think, and it can surely absorb the flavor of what you've just eaten, especially spices (e.g. curry) and beer. Nastiest of all, so I am told, is asparagus.
Of course if you can't get your female partner to give you fellatio, it's a disappointment, and it may infer some fairly hidden sexual issues. Perhaps she believes sex itself is "dirty", and good girls don't do that kind of thing. Maybe her position would change if you spent some time generous her oral sexual pleasure? If this doesn't work, or if she doesn't want you to do it to her, then talking about it may help to resolve the underlying issues.
The saddest thing of all is that cunnilingus (the use of the partner's tongue, lips and mouth on a woman's sexual organs) seems to be one way in which most women can achieve orgasm fairly simply. A survey by Men's Health magazine disclosed that oral sex by men for women was "one of the most desired and exciting sexual activities that a man could perform for a woman; over and over again, the women said how much they loved it." It also has been ranked as the most satisfying action a man can do for a woman. In another survey 81% of women said that they could come to orgasm through oral sex.
It stands to reason, because I can't think of anything more exciting right now than the bouquet and taste of a vagina. So close to their lover, most men will become very aroused, and their bigger energy and enthusiasm will nourish their lover's feeling of being loved and wanted: it's very flattering for a woman to know that she turns her partner on so profoundly. Furthermore, there is a profound significance in the act of "going down" on a woman - something to do with her being exciting, something that says how she is respected and loved.
We're still driven at some bass level by our animal heritage, and even though I understand for some men and women that the "animalistic" aspects of sex can be a bit off-putting, perhaps we should just allow ourselves to respond to our basic desires and enjoy the openly stimulating sights and scents of a partner's intimate regions.
But if the smell and taste of your partner's genitals really does trouble you, then why not work a tender} bath and massage session into your lovemaking? And of course this particular problem cuts both ways, for men sometimes need to ensure their hygiene is up to scratch.
The best way to find out how to give oral pleasure to a woman is to hear what your partner says she wants. But you can make a good start by reading a fantastic account of how to do oral sex on a web-site that contains a full description of cunnilingus, written sensitively and imaginatively for men: http://www.my-penis.org/
One final point - there is a small number of men who find the idea of orally pleasuring their partners an uncomfortable one. So try this picture: in ancient Chinese art, a woman's genitals are regularly depicted as a peony flower. And if you take a smell of a peony, your face is engulfed in a immense, perfumed mass of pink petals. Delicious!
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